Do you ever get that creepy feeling that once you post in a thread, the thread instantly stops? Or is this just me noticing only the threads that no one else replies to? Or is this even a good thing? Often, no one else replies because you just won the thread, bitches!
Maybe I just have low self-esteem. Which I’m starting to think is the case. I really have no idea why. I really don’t see myself as a huge failure for the most part. What I do think, often, is that everyone else does. Which is a little creepy. I think it comes from the fact that I have a habit of naturally assuming all people are idiots and tools until they are able to prove otherwise. I don’t like people. There are reasons for this. Like a lot of people, I knew some serious assholes in middle school/high school. College is a little easier, if for no other reason than jackasses are much easier to avoid. And to some extent, people are more mature (I hope. There I go again)
Often I feel like I’m alone treading water in an ocean of stupid people. Is this what young idealism is supposed to be like? Why is nearly everyone such a fool? CAN’T THE WORLD FUCKING DO ANYTHING RIGHT?????? What the hell is it with everyone? Slowly, it seems I’m coming to realize that there is nothing I can do to make people stop being idiots. Flipping through a Bible, specifically the book of Ecclesiastes, it seems the answer is……”yep. Nothing you can do”.
So….people suck. Let’s go be a loner. Oh wait, I’m also slightly OCD and a hypochondriac. So…to be honest, my own thoughts are occasionally pretty fucking scary. I think everybody’s mind has some way of letting horrible, terrifying things sneak up on them. This just happens to be mine. I overthink things too often. Then I go off on things like this, and beat myself up. But…hanging out with friends is hard…why? See, my parents thought it would be this great idea to live out in the middle of nowhere. While it makes for great amateur astronomy (trees notwithstanding), it also means getting anywhere is at least a 15 minute drive. So……seeing friends quickly becomes a giant event, and leads to stress (ok, this had better go right! Because I have all this driving to do, and it had better be worth something!). For that matter, I hate how much gas my car uses (I drive an Explorer that Whosteen loves to make fun of for some reason). Also, I hate the fact that only a few of my friends read this. I’m going to hype this page on Facebook. RSS helps in blog reading, btw.
Ok, thoughts sorted! That wraps up this post! Thank you for reading!
everyone has thoughts that scare them, most of us just dont have the guts to say what we’re thinking…
By: Reckless on April 27, 2009
at 11:55pm
oh, and I definitely don’t think you’re a failure
By: Reckless on April 27, 2009
at 11:56pm
The words “You” and “Fail” should only come together in a sentence if the “Fail” was actually a “Win” and you know that. I think that the biggest thing is to get past the whole think-through-everything bit and realize that although you are treading water over a sea of idiots that it’s really OK because they can’t bring you down anyway.
To address the OCD, I think most people are in some area but they just don’t admit it. Hypochondriac? Really? How often do you really get bed-laden sick? Keep that in mind. Or you could do what I like to do when I get sick – Grab a daypack, throw in some carb-rich foods, 2000 mL of water, your camera and go on a hike. While you’re out there hiking you can think of your mom freaking out because you’re sick and outside in the rain and the mud at some place she doesn’t know how to get to! While you’re out there you can snap a couple photos, feel accomplished, drink all your water, answer nature when it calls, trudge back to your vehicle, change in to the extra set of clothes you tossed in there before you took off, and drive home happy! You’ll find that you just might feel better the next day too… at least I do.
By: Josh on April 28, 2009
at 11:35am